Suspended like spirits over speeding cars

Thats stunning.

I am in the weirdest place right now. And Im hoping right now that writing this will release it all from my head and onto a page and somehow help this. Because Im no good to myself feeling this way.

So there was this big mess, all got a bit over the top, everyone ended up dragged in, and as it turns out, it could have been solved by a simple exchange. Im glad thats over, but its kind of not. Because it affected me... a ridiculous amount, which is unfair because it wasnt about me and my attention should have been on everyone else, and it was, but still it felt like something was happening to me, something was changing in me and I hated it. The way I feel and the way I act or react, my attitudes to people and situations have changes now, and thats irriversable.

However, there isnt any time to dwell on that because, such is life, something was thrown into the mix of things today that I couldnt have predicted. Maybe because I didnt dare think it was possible for anything else this awful could be put on one person. Because I didnt believe that life could be cruel enough to drop another weight on this one persons shoulders. I dont know where she gets the strength that shes shown from, but its grown every day Ive known her, and Im fucking sick of her being knocked back down.

There are too many people right now that I cant help. I feel really rubbish because I cant get inside anyones heads and I hate that because I know that this is affecting people and ahhhh. I dont know.

Yet at the same time, half the day Ive found myself feeling genuinely happy and just laughing and forgetting. I genuinely feel like Im going slightly insane, but Im just enjoying the happier moments because this is the last year in school, Im seventeen years old, I have fantastic people around me and Im trying not to waste my time on helplessness while I can help it...