(because I found that lyric, among many others, on a desk Id had for another exam one and a half years ago... and it made me smile because I realise that Im so similar to how I was then, and yet somehow I barely recognised my own handwriting, or the feelings behind it) Less cliché? Okay, Ill give it a go.
Id really like to do a nice simple non-irritating post, because it seems too rare, but I dont think forcing myself to think or act a certain way is a good plan. Which fades oh so seamlessly (blatantly) into what I suppose is the theme of this word-jumble, certainly a theme in my brain currently.
It sounds like Im making excuses when I verbalise this, but Im honestly not. The fact that I fail, a lot, is completely and utterly my fault, and I know Ill regret not trying harder. The thing is, Ive tried to motivate myself, I do push myself, and yet I still end up avoiding everything, till later than the last second. There is no driving force behind me, and the more other people tell me what I 'need' to be doing, I suppose the more I try and force that backward.
Im sick to death of people telling me I have to spend 3 or more years of my life racking up enormous debts and wasting my own time turning something I love more than anything into 'work'. And its all because since we were eleven years old weve been told without doubt that if we dont do what they expect us to, were miserable failures. Ahaha, Im like a petty teen version of Rage Against the Machine or something!
But I mean, I know that I want to turn music into work in the long run, but not assignment deadline-meeting essay-hell teacher-student dynamic work. Yes, degrees are valuable, no, they wont get me any further than I can go without one. And as for that 'experience' malarky, I know itd be good, but Ive spent the last two years fighting a constant battle as to whether school was worth effort, just so that I could see the people I want to see every day, and now I want people, life, stability outside of some glass house comfort zone type thing. I dont feel like a teenager, thats what disturbs me, I feel like an adult. I dont want to go to classes and get drunk every night (see, disturbing) and I want a career and traveling (whether that means working in Macdonalds for a year or not...) and I want to explore a passion without feeling guilty about it!!! But I do feel guilty, and I wish I was more standard. Maybe Il change my mind.
/rant over. Sorry again.
Well now, I am terribly excited for this year because there is a whole bunch of records coming out, which I shall hopefully adore.
If I had the issue of Kerrang! from a few weeks back Id make more references, but all I can recall is Biffy Clyro, Paramore, Alexisonfire, Green day (which theyve wrapped recording for, and my anticipation makes me feel less like an adult than previously stated, and more like Im about 14 again) anddd of course the Tegan and Sara. Oh and My Chemical Romance... and Leathermouth. Im hoping to rediscover some old favourites in fresh discovery of their new material.
2009 will also be made ace byyy; the prospect of a holiday- simply the phrase excites me- plus the fact that I may or may not receive a nice new guitar of my very own, and that I will, without doubt, turn 18. Adult age [;
Im not going to list the reasons why 2009 scares me, because that would lower the tone and I feel like Im on a positive roll right now...
In consideration of recent things (and because I do wish to hopelessly drag out this theme of positivity)- is it just me, or am I using a lot of brackets tonight? Anywho, I am actually really genuinely happy that a bunch of my friends are in nice relationships. Quite a few of them have their drawbacks, but I like seeing people with smiles on their faces, even if it probably brings a few frowns at times too, to say the least. I myself have not given up per se, I just feel content with the way things are, which is handy in not making me all angry and bitter. So this I suppose is me quietly wishing them luck, in my own weird way, though I dont think they need it.
Mind you, Ill probably have changed my mind in like a day, evidently Im extremely inconsistent with these pleasant musings, I think its the act of committing them to a blog which jinxes them. So tomorrow Ill probably be throwing things and writing songs about how no one in the world deserves happiness. I havent actually done that ever, just to clarify.
Well, itd be preettyy unimaginative to start banging on about how the yearbook brought me a painful sting of nostalgia, and how I cant stop myself from reading through the loveliest comments possibly from the people I barely expected it from, and shedding just a few tears.
ahaha, Im clearly not going to do that at all...
But for real, Im just glad that I have the ridiculous memories I do, because Im looking back with rose-tinted glasses right now, but I know that really its just regret that I cant carry on making memories with the same old people. To be honest, Im okay with the present and the potential.
TOO LONG.
