barely wait for the second I'm rid of it.

the snow was stunning.

Ps;

evidently, there are too many "Holden"s on the scene.

My band is now called "Holden & Phoebe". The new track should be up now on last.fm aaand myspace, but the file is too fucking big and it's taking forever to resize. One of the new shots is up on both of those though! (photographers are pricks)

"catch a flame to my sentiment"

Just wrote a big old post but it got far too wordy and incoherent. I think the essential jist was that I don't know whether I want to enter back into the crazy land of the education system so soon, because it feels like I might be starting to experience life as it should be, and I don't want to let that go... but I don't want to be the left behind much, either... butttt I'm a shit teenager and I just don't think I belong where they all are, and I don't know why I'd force myself into that situation. Oh fuck blogger what have you done? I'm back to the melodramatic phrasing, apparently.

It's all swings and roundabouts, and it's not even weighing all that heavy on my mind I just... I don't want to make the wrong decision.

The thing is, I think that I've got a missing part. I don't know whether it's someone or something but I feel like I've been looking for some undefined part of myself and I need to find that so that everything has that little bit more meaning and so that I can feel something real and honest and not just these muted, weak... ugh I can't even get my words out rightttt.

I really love working, in other news. I really like coming home having worked really fucking hard and having enjoyed doing it because it's a really good job and I'm with some sweet people.

Plus, the band is making progress. We're making changes and improvements and, even though I wish we could move faster than jobs and commitments and... the laws of time in general will allow, we are getting there. I really, really want to be able to tour at the end of this. I don't want it to feel like this aspect of the 12 months, 12 months which were set aside solely for that, didn't amount to enough.

Aaaand I'm really looking forward to christmas. Despite working full days christmas eve, boxing day and new years eve, it's going to be a lovely day. Currently working out how to go about attending basically 3 family commitments (broken homes, eh? they don't do much for the birth of Christ), and then manage to achieve a sufficient amounts sleep for being up at 6 the next day. Obviously though that's pretty much through choice, and I'm actually grateful, because the fat paycheck I'll be receiving come late-January is going straight into the travelling fund, and should provide me with just enough to purchase one round the world ticket! FUCKI'MSOFUCKINGEXCITED. We're taking instruments, and everything. And I'm getting a mini/cheap camcorder, because a photo-taker simply isn't enough for me under those circumstances.

I think I'm finished now. I tried to make this fairly light-hearted/optimistic, did it work?

OH, and I've decided my favourite words in the English language are these (how ironic is it that I just spelled that "inglish"?);

1. Retrospective (I love the way it sounds in different accents. Loser? Yes.)

2. Quintessential

3. Addictive

4. Conglomeration (reminds me of a pokémon character or something...)