Come Sing With Me, A Melody, In The Dark Of The Night

Howling Bells. Very very good. I love their song titles /=
Yes, lots of stuff (/no gossipy stuff)+lack of people ot talk to=blog overload, sorryy.

I'm in a very very odd state of mind at the moment. Currently skipping stones on the sea of my mind (aka, pretentious way of saying 'stuff casually occupying my thoughts); I'm less of a lightweight than I used to be. About 1 and a 1/3 of pitcher, ant somewhere between 10 and 25 shots taught me that (no crying, no vom). It was quite a lovely evening. Also, I really hate how alcohol exposes the stuff you like to imagine is all fine. At least two people got me all freaked, and I am not good with responding to that. The worst incident was after the alcohol started to wear, we were down to just a few people and I knew exactly what the tears were for, but could do absolutely nothing about it because it's beyond anyone's control. That's when it makes me want to tell her anything that'll make her understand that I do get it. In fact, if anything, I might end up in a more shitty and frustrating situation than that. I don't think I've ever hugged anyone that tight /= Anyway, she seems okay. That's all I've got, to be honest.

I still am not dealing with the end of school. It's like that thing where you love someone so much that you can't feel how, I'm completely numbed to it. But still the excitement of things to come is not enough to stop my stomach twisting into knots whenever I think about the next few days. I do not feel safe.

In other news, I had a brilliant birthday. It's actually still going on. I have the best family/friends I believe are possible.

In Your Soul, They Poked A Million Holes

...But You Never Let Them Show... You Already Know, How This Will End.

Today has not been a good day. However, I realised a few things, and on top of this (as apparently, it actually is the little things that count) some very simple things have lifted my spirits.

In terms of the realisation, I've found that I really want something of my own, if that makes sense? I'm aware probably most people don't have that, but I want something that I can do, that's mine. Honestly I'm sick to death of constantly comparing myself to people around me, and never measuring up. I think maybe there is something that I could actually be good at, and I just don't know what it is yet. I figured everything ended with music but maybe I could find something that albeit I wouldn't have as much of a passion for, but something that I could do myself. That I could do right. Something I could take pride in and something other people could be proud of me for. So what the fuck is it? I need to work that out before I go insane.


things I'm currently in appreciation of;
annie leibovitz
tea
football?!
nice texts
trashy, trashy films
deal or no deal
the sun (...weather)
the fact that it's my birthday on thursday
vegetarian jelly sweets
summer plans
muck-up day's imminence (...sort of)
comfortable clothingg
the news
driving (ish)
augusten burroughs
writing. like anything, just writing with a pen
cooking
good headphones
voting
smoking
junk food
/fruit?!
sleeping

things I do not enjoy;
the stress of all birthday-related activities
my hair
the ending of school
the revision-induced lack of almost anything fun happening at weekends
not shopping
exams
my own apathy
talking on the phone
conservatives
microphones failing epically
periods
...I'm not even sorry I said that. hopefully no boys stumble up


Currently listening to; an interesting selection of DeVotchKa, Land of Talk, The Shins, Switchfoot, Maps and Atlases, La Roux, Dizzee Rascal, bit o The Smiths, Sunny Day Real Estate and probably throwing some Lily Allen into the mix as well. God bless modern, British pop.