I'm Mr Brightside

how ridiculous is it that the really simple things can seemingly make everything else better? I'm not complaining. last time I mentionned the fact that with every good thing, seems to come so much stupid, unpleasant baggage. well today I think that was all negated (if not forever, for four whole hours) by a nice simple driving test pass. those hours are ones which I've just spent, probably terrifying one of my favourite people half to death (I was grateful for him not letting on) but mostly feeling totally at ease, and SO relieved. people say driving provides such a sense of freedom (people do say that, yeah?), and it's soso true. another little wormhole for me to escape through, if the need be. not, however, if the handbrake is still up when I've been driving along for about 5 minutes, this eventuality repeated could probably result in a fast transition from freedom, to... car... morgue?! garage? I don't know, that sentence lost all effect and logic.

anyway I feel better than I did yesterday, I care less than I did yesterday. and I guess I don't mind if it's not for too long.

Into The Distance, Into the Light

so I was trying to abstain from posting because I'm banking on these feelings being purely, or mostly, hormonal, otherwise I really don't have time for it. in any case I tried revision, gave up, and this seemed like the most obvious form of procrastination. I learned at least one thing though; the legal case of plessy vs. ferguson in... 189..7? 6? permitted racial segregation in public facilities so long as it didn't interfere with the laws of equality emphasised in the constitution. fingers crossed I can pass 3(?) politics papers with that fact alone.

so I guess I sort of miss school. but I'm beginning to realise the main reason I valued it was this seeming false sense of security it gave me, in several ways. I'm kind of resenting that now. it changed the way I saw people and people's friendships with me and now that it's gone I don't like the way I feel. It's too easy to think no one cares, whether they do or not. this is just the self-obsession talking, I'll get over myself soon enough. anyway I'm having fun escaping everything I'm supposed to care about, it's just one of those episodes where it seems as if nothing can go just right, and with every great thing comes stupid unnecessary baggage which fucks stuff up, as a whole. c'est la vie, of course, but I swear a few months or whatever ago most things seemed to be going rather nicely. in the comfort zone. ignorance is bliss afterall, which I suppose is ironic because my... 'emotional' ignorance was achieved in a learning institution. ha. well fuck, I'm such an extremely boring person.

well I suppose I'm going to watch some chat shows, attempt some more revision and possibly venture into town at some point. my newly-male (in my eyes) hamster is quite possibly on the verge of starvation after a week or so of nothing but skanky old sultanas. *edit; 'fail'.

I promise, my next post will be less whiney and immature.
the sweetest breakdancing old man on 'britains got talent' had literally just made my day.
AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BECOME.