And When It Starts Getting Blurry, Ones Never Better Than Two

Im starting this thing over for a third time today. Its been an empty day because I promised Id dedicate it to revision, or work of some description, youre probably no less surprised than I am upon realising that fell flat.
So I tried over and over to write and pull apart and re-write this so that it sounded less pathetic… third time lucky? Non.
The generally jist of my endless laptop-tapping today has been;

Well Ive come back for about the 16th time and deleted all 4 of these points because they made me sound like a ridiculous, moany moron (does this endless editing defeat the point of a blog?). I think my only point will be;

...this underlying fear /pressure everyone seems to be feeling seems to be ‘the elephant’ in every room. It makes every other thing seem so much worse, and the constant tension means were all wasting the time we have left in this simple safe place. Kind of ironic I suppose, in any case, I also suggested maybe were outgrowing it, and even if no one feels it at all, we could be a little bit ready. Sort of. The sun wont shine forever, afterall...

Asides from this, brilliant conversations, some really just plain good evenings, lovely people and some amazing music is making everything seem less heavy. About 7 people spring to mind, and some of them werent who I expected at all.

(Later addition, sweeet stuff; Sigur Ros, Wilco, Passion Pit, Royksopp and Boards of Canada) These are not only brilliant, but some of them pretty much reflect me at the moment, you know how music just kind of forces emotions on you sometimes? These ones make me feel kind of careless, a little bit lost and/or apprehensive, thoughtful and almost expiring.

With Empty Stomachs And Hungry Eyes, Our Only Choice Was To Swallow Pride

Only appreciating today how underrated that bands lyrics are.

So, I love people trying to psychoanalyse me, seriously I do.
Apparently I have some 'identity' issues, and need to sort out out my relationships with people/how I interract because my thought processes are stunted and stupid.
Asides from this, I got the best inspiring talk from my grandfather on the world as my oyster... Plus my sisters back, and considering this is the last few months or whatever that well be sharing a roof, Im more happy to see her than ever. Currently trying to pull an all nighter, with the aid of pro plus, coffee and pepsi. Clearly failing with regards to the necessary focus required. David Bailey is a genius. My dogs not dead. Drove insane amounts and loved it. /Drove with some kind of brilliant genius man in a nice ass car. Massively distracted by the placement of his handbrake (NOTAMETAPHOR) and the massive difficulty of not grazing his leg when applying it. Failed to avoid it once or twice. Hating that peoples attitude towards little things like boycotting seems to be 'it exists everywhere so its justifableto ignore it'. More cleaning for fun. Bought sweets with two 19 yr-old boys. Proceeded to spill sherbert all over my self/sketchbook and be mocked. Facebook rape only amounted to inappropriate status. Loved kidnapping/party poppers/photographs/eggy ice drinks/failure at bowling. Massively family-oriented weekend post-friday. Really lovely drunken chat with an old friend who seemed genuinely interested prior to afore-mentionned family time. Hopefully a fairly effective/slightly overplanned birthday surprise. Drunken cab ride=lots and lots of change. 2 meals out in one day. Informed of 2 abandoned cars for potential photography exam prep. Discussion about the opacity of the whites of my eyes. So pleased the sisters doing a law conversion/not necessarily following just her brain. Had massive gossip catch-up with afore-mentionned sibling. Realised with the aid of afore-mentionned sibling my W/Newport offer is CCD not BBC. Contemplated own idiocy. Contemplated the benefits and drawbacks of friendships as they are/were. Felt sort of a little unnecessary/not quite secure. Squealed at fresh Reading rumours; Death Cab/NFG. Still hated by citrus. Not enough exercise. Still cant write.

/yes

longlong