Cigarettes And Lies, Im A Child, Its Too Soon

Go on, this is the bit where you disappear, remember?

Recently Ive been thinking about my age... and I suddenly realised - while slumped in the back seat of this packed up car, pretty much containing the life of my sister, the one she takes away with her- that I was practically an adult. Now, this doesnt really scare me as much as it used to, but Ive truly lost track of time, and I cant remember when it stopped being okay to just do things for no reason, just, you know, be. It never felt very carefree, because I guess at any given time the things that mean the most to you could mean nothing years or even days later. But now, looking back at the problems I thought I had, and the things that happen now... Its kind of insane. And what terrifies me the most is that Ive wasted so much of that time when I should have been clinging to every damn moment, and Ill never get it back again. See now Im getting over-emotional because nothing scares me more than time itself, really. And I hate how much I take everything for granted.

You know, I wish people could be less complex. Easier to understand with a mind like mine, because I never, ever understand whats going on in peoples heads, and Im never, ever able to heal other peoples wounds. Thats who I want to be. Im not the person who gets the truth out of people, helps people, Im not the person that you want to know, who you lean on, and it kills me that I dont know how to be. Because, and you would never guess this if you did know me, I do really try.
Mann reading that back is making me cringe right now, so Im gonna stop talking about it.

I dont want to keep isolating myself. But I dont deserve better than that, really.



Oh My God Why Am I Such A Moaning Cow?! This Is Insane.

I had a really great evening last night. It was simple, yet effective, in essence. Nights like that dont make you forget everything, but it puts it all in perspective. Whove youve got around you, how lucky you are in general. Why Everything Is Worth It, Despite What You Feel.

Oh, perfect, another crisis.