Running From Lions Never Seemed Like Such A Mistake

Im feeling terribly mixed up, and hoping getting some of it on virtual paper might help fix my brain. For the most part, Im simply enjoying a few lovely days with lovely people, and anticipating a pretty fantastic next few months. OH WAIT, next YEAR. So yes, I like summer so far. Theres a lot of confusion regarding work though, I just cant make myself care. Ive pretty much given up on these exams and dont really mind that I have a pretty high chance of failure, despite the fairly strong likelihood of me wanting to get to university, at least at some point. Im not complaining, I dont care that I dont care... haha, Id honestly rather do whatever the hell I like, I just dont know whats going on in my head, I really dont. Im feeling nothing.

I hate being in this situation where it seems like I have a fair bit of cash in my bank account, and then more and more things are being added to the list of expenses. The fact that in order to use the 'Take it Away' scheme for a new guitar I need to order a credit card to achieve an actual credit hitory... and the realisation that I can do that now, is so tempting I cant quite put it into words. How long do you have to pay back money you use on a card? Oh God Im actually going to do it. Save me now.

Its another one of those times where some friendships seem really frail and slightly strained, yet some (usually the ones I dont expect) are so much more meaningful than I thought. I realised this when writing my death message for about 3 hours last night (...believe it or not you might think Im less odd if I dont fully explain that)... God, friendships are fickle. I love discovering that somebody I sadly mightve taken for granted has actually become a great friend, of late. However I dont like thinking somethings more than it is, and discovering that I dont mean that much to somebody at all. It all balances out to be honest, Im pretty happy with the people I know. You know whats weird? Like when you're speaking to an aquaintance or something, and you think, 'if Id known you like 3 years ago we couldve been really, really good friends', k that wasnt very interesting at all.

I like that the point of this was to address my head feeling messy, yet Ive barely done that. Itll work itself out, Im sure.

I still love driving. I thought Id way prefer having passengers and I do love that, I love ferrying people around, specially when I get a hand with the petrol [= Anyway I love that, probably almost as much as driving by myself, purely because I dont give a shit when Im alone, I do end up cruising down the a21 at 95mph singing like... poppin champagne at the top of my lungs (complete with occaisional and abrupt arm movements/finger-wheel drumming). I love that a day hasnt passed when Ive been able to drive and havent. I must be a big source of income for Shell garages right now.

I have a massive constant headrush/ache, and a lot to do tomorrow. I might go to bed like, earlyyy. P.s. Im so into Johnny Cash (hi bandwagon, Im jumping on board), The Beatles, The Smiths and The Cure right now. ACH.