25 Real Things. So really, 50 things, pt 2.

Because facebook is too public, and I think doing a more honest one of these will be an interesting experience.
Ive forseen this post falling particularly victim to my complete inability to be consise, and for that I deeply apologise.


1/ I could forgive myself for not living up to my own expectations, but it kills me that I let people around me down, regardless of whether they let on. Yet somehow, I remain apathetic 90% of the time!

2/ I believe it to be my deepest darkest secret that I would love for one of those scenes to occur in real life where one character chases their love interest character, lets say down a street, after an argument, and then reels of an unpromted, unexpected list of super-cute facts, secrets and habits about the latter character which they never thought anyone knew about them, as evidence of their undying love. Despite the fact I know these scenes to be completely unrealistic and over-the-top, I cry every time I see one.

3/ Despite the fact that the only people who have expressed 'interest' in me in the last few years have inarguably done so through desperation and not through any real connection to/knowledge of me, it really hurts me that I cant just have a relaxed pressureless friendship/single conversation with them. Im happy not being in a relationship.

4/ Sometimes I do irresponsible things as a result of a lack of control, and I never fail to regret them.

5/ I recently discovered a new guilty pleasure in the following; sitting in a public place (namely Neros), watching strangers in somewhat awkward situations (namely blatant first dates/break-ups) and analysing their body language with people.

6/ I wish I was someone people (/someone/anyone) felt they could open up to for more than a bitch or a dirty secret.

7/ I love the rhythm of a ticking clock being the last thing I hear before I fall asleep. Not in an 'Im oh so musical get me' way, its just a lovely sound to me.

8/ I have generally a really good relationship with my family, although slightly disjointed in places. I also recently discovered an awesome connection with my grandfather, which will inevitably become the subject of a blog...

9/ While almost all the time Im really genuinely scared of the dark, if Ive written a song that reaches a certain level of personal... importance? intensity? then I can pretty much only play/record it in my dining room with the lights out and the door shut. WHY?

10/ Im terrified of the day my dog dies, because Ive had him since I was four, and have grown an impossible attatchment to him in the fact that it more resembles a human-human relationship than anything else. You can fuck off with your biological brain cells/complexity nonsense, because he has a unique personality, and microphone arguments aside, I love him and he loves me.

11/ It makes me feel sick when I think that Im here by chance, and in another life I could have been one of the millions of people living in poverty or simply without a safe/comfortable home. Im going to do my bit to fix this, because the day we all give up and say its 'impossible' is the basically the day that the human race has just fucking failed, really.

12/ It frustrates me beyond words that I cant explain my weird little 'OCDish' tendencies, even though I know most people have these random neurotic rules.

13/ However, if you must know (because this one I can explain), you cant touch my palms because Im extremely, insanely (obsessively) self-concious about how they look and feel, because theyre honestly not normal. I want to know about the possibility of hand surgery. Please dont try and touch them, its not fun.

14/ Ive been scared to say, but Im honestly terrified that Im on a real-life version of 'The Truman Show', as a result of the weird coincidences and whatnot which seem to occur more frequently of late. Im not even slightly kidding. If Im right then please, please desist.

15/ By the time Im 30 Im pretty certain my body is going to have been 'multilated' to the extreme, by the presence of several tattoos, piercings and extensive surgery. I try really hard not to make a big deal out of the fact that completely honestly, I have no level of self-esteem, because 1) it sounds super cliché, and 2) clearly its nothing unusual these dayss and 3) people think Im very very superficial when I mention surgery, which may well be a correct assumption.

16/ All of these facts might be making you think that Im quite a sad person (which kind of 'sad' is down to interpretation). In fact, I spend the majority of my time totally happy, because really I have soso many reasons to feel that way. And Im not making a particular effort so that it seems otherwise.

17/ The problem is that I dont find myself a likeable person, and analyse everyone elses actions (or lack of them) which make me think that nobody else does either, most of the time. I wish I knew how to make myself more valuable to people, or less melodramatic about such things!

18/ I seem to have given up on religion. Again. But Im not that fussed by it at the moment.

19/ In may of this year Im going to get a tattoo of a bar of music notes on my wrist. This is in symbolisation of the fact that 1) everything is fleeting, we cant afford to take anything for granted, 2) the worst experiences can be transferred to the most valuable lessons and 3) I can never underestimate the pure power of music, or forget how much I owe to it. Its not impulsive.

20/ When I was younger I had an entire world of imaginary friends. (Im enjoying how this has gone beyond the point of shame) off hand, I can remember these names; old kitten, boxcanox, rainbow kitten, new kitten and ellen. Old kitten was a boy with a blue button-up shirt and a cats face and boxcanox had a box for a head. I was a very, very disturbing child.

21/ One of my favourite memories was a snowball fight I had with my family in the woods by
my old house. I have no idea what year it was, and the memory itself inevitably fades constantly.


22/ At the risk of sounding like an imbecile, I find words, AMAZING. The way that some people have with them, the potential to make something sound really beautiful just by using the right ones in the right places kind of astounds me. I think Im the type of person that would tattoo about 50 lyrics all over my body because I find them so wonderful, but Ive banned myself from getting words, for a while at least.

23/ I get nervous really, really easily. If Im itching/touching my face a lot, plucking my eyelashes, twitching/biting my lip or my eyes are darting all over the place, I wish youd stop whatever youre doing/saying.

24/ I really dont like when people assume they know what Im thinking. Even though I might do it to other people sometimes. Were all often wrong, evidently.

25/ In relation to an earlier fact, I also find myself constantly staggered by technology. Im not even thinking iPhones and wireless broadband here, the first example which popped into my head was those sensors on supermarket like... conveyer belts, you know the ones you load your shopping onto? So that when the stuff gets to the checkout it stops right before it hits the end... wow.


Ive in fact decided, as a means of halting these ridiculous over-dramatic emotional rants which dominate this page, that I will use a (preferably unknown/interesting) personal fact to kick off each of my blogs from now onwards. I feel as though it will give each one some kind of sense of direction/purpose/value, which might actually help achieve one of my aims in maintaining this, which is improving my articulation!