Guess Who's Back (Back Again)

Detoxed and back on blog.
I deleted my first blog, because it was full of shit, frankly. I got some stuff out of my system, and until the next time my clock ticks a second too far, Ill be here, writing about the silly little things that make up my life.

Today was an unusual and diverse day. It started off with my being denyed a lie-in (by myself) and watching trashy tv with a face on. It led to me getting pretty melancholy, and then in turn the angriest Ive been in a while, over something quite frankly ridiculous. Today the first thing I realised is that I have some strong protective instincts in me. Also that a certain person has stopped needing any protecting really. And Im pretty damn proud of her.
So I was half wasting the day on a set of somewhat apathetic emotions...
But it picked up later.

Half way through the day I found myself wandering through the halls of my school, pretty aimlessly. If it wasnt for the perfectly placed papers, the even stacks of books, posters plastered on every surface, the whole damn building may as well have been just about to be torn down. It was pretty eerie, but theres nothing like treading a hallway which youve walked through a million times, each memory merging and flattening in your mind, until all the sounds are just a quiet blurring buzz, an echoe at the very back of your mind, richocheting off dirty windows and open doors. Theres nothing like that kind of experience, to force you into the regurgitation of those memories, until youre left standing, redundant, at another locked door, blinded by the intensity of nostalgia. Because its pretty powerful, that emotion, isnt it?

I was walking up this half empty drive, thinking of my own fresh new summer and the people in it, which is never a good thing, because when Im carefree like that, it doesnt often last.
But this time, when that train of thought was so abruptly interrupted, I guess it wasnt such a bad thing. I was quickly aware of where I was, which sounds stupid, but... well, maybe it just is. I suddenly realised Ive been walking to and from this... institution, bitching and moaning every step of the way, for a really big part of my life (six years, in fact- thats big to me, okay?), and since the day I stepped through the door Ive been everchanging... I mean, that schools seen the best and worst of me- mostly the latter admittedly- Ive had so many experiences and been through so much involving and because of it, and in about 11 months, itll be over. No questions asked, no ifs buts or maybes, departure is imminent, whether we admit it or not, were almost done. Truth be told I know damn well I not going to see most of those people again, it really freaks me out, even if some of them drive me insane, but I get it. Further truth be told, I know I wont see some people I consider friends, or at least aqquaintances, what with the whole 'running in different circles' and that. And whatever I say now, said then, will say in the future, Im going to fucking miss it all. Because being stressed out miserable and pushed to the point of exhaustion by work and words and people, has got to be better than being messed up, out of touch and alone. I like structure, and once we leave, thats out the window. Welcome to adulthood? Yeah, I wanna be a rockstar.

Anyway, I thought about the people we were, the people we are, the people we could so easily become... and I thought just maybe, if you force yourself to use that heat youre producing from the friction of your feet on the ground, to melt away the constant fear, drastic change might be just what we need... in a way... or not?


Well I mean damn, we made it all this way right?